I am a mom, I am single, I have four beautiful miracles and I am afraid of alot.
This is me, this is the beginning of my story, this is my path.
I grew up imagining what my future would be, planning it all out, preparing for my path. Imagine my surprise when what I had planned, was not at all what God's future for me entailed. Here I was in my twenties and unsure of what to do, who to become. I prayed and prayed, asking God to show me what He wanted me to do and asking Him to help me "let go" of my plans. And He did.
I was searching for opportunities to serve, or a direction to head in, when I came across a ministry connecting unwanted and soon to be discarded embryos with women who would accept them, give birth to them and be their momma!
What?!!! That's crazy, those were my thoughts. I had never even heard of anything like that, and I am pretty sure there was no elective in High School on accepting donated embryos and becoming a single mom!
So I continued to pray, and the more I prayed the more God seemed to be directing me to this path. So after seeking the wisdom of my parents, I finally said "Ok God, show me the way."
In 2009, I accepted 13 tiny, microscopic embryos, so beautiful, so delicate. If you ever want to see a miracle, watch a tiny embryo blossom into a beautiful breathing baby! I call them "Sparkles " for as they were transplanted into my waiting womb you could see a sparkle of light as they settled in. In 2010, 2012 and 2015, I gave birth to my four miracles. I was only able to hold four of those 'sparkles' in my arms, but I know God is holding the others for me in heaven.
Every procedure when I was alone, He stood by my side, through all the pain, He held my hand, everytime I felt alone because I had no "someone" to share the journey with, He held me close. If I had never had the pain or felt the loss, I would have never known the strength of His hands, the depth of His love.
Never would I have imagined anything like what I experienced, the path I took.
If I had known what my journey would entail, I am fairly sure I would have been scared witless! Praise God, He didnt reveal it all to me and instead walked me step by step.
Many friends and even some family left me and others denied God's hand in it all, but through it all I drew closer and closer to Him! Every single moment God was with me, every tear I cried held in His hand. My path has drawn me closer to My God in ways I never knew possible. When you have all you want, you forget about God, but when you feel the struggles, know the pain and experience the need, then you realize He is ALL you ever needed.
God has used my babies to draw me closer to Him and to show me over and over again HE IS ENOUGH! I still struggle with letting go of what I think I need, but He is always there. When I cried out in the pain of a hard labor, He whispered words of comfort and strength, when I said "I can't do this." He reminded me He can. When I felt alone and afraid, He wrapped His arms around me and held me close. I wish I could say I am now some sort of "Super Mom", I've figured it all out and God is my all, but I still struggle with simply being a mom, most of the time I get it all wrong and I still fear so many things.
I am a mom, I am still single, I have four growing "sparkles" and God is helping me conquer my fears one by one.
My path is probably not going to be the same as your path and you may not experience all that I have. But I pray that when God asks you to take your path you can say "Ok God, show me the way."